Tim's Journey through Racine

so....
this might be my last entry for quite some time,(not that i update all that often anyway)
i have found out that i have a polygraph (lie detector test) coming up on april 2oth. for any one who doesnt know, i am on parole and this test is from my po to see if i have been following my rules or not.
i havent.
Drinking, internet, girlfriend, the list goes on and on.
hell, being on this computer is a violation of my parole rules.
so, with what i know of the polygraph id say safely, i have a 20-40% chance of passing.
if i pass life gets 150% easier.
if i fail i go back to jail for 11 months, the rest of my parole. then i start the consecutive 10 years of probation i have to do.
yay.
i hate my life.
anyway, like i said this might be my last entry for a while. if you have a faith, i would appreciate a prayer or two. if not then wish me luck. I am going to be lieing my ass off.
if i do give another entry it will be on april 20th in the evening saying that ive passed.
i hope to give that entry.
till then,

ciao.

put your playlist on random.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING.

How does the world see me?:
my life with the thrill kill cult-a daisy chain for satan

Will I have a happy life?
pigface-fuck it up

What do my friends really think of me?:
rancid-burn

Do people secretly lust after me?:
sneaker pimps-how do

How can I make myself happy?
bad religion-atomic garden

What should I do with my life?
sneaker pimps-spin spin sugar


Will I ever have children?:
violent femmes-do not go

What is some good advice for me?:
rage against the machine-sleep now in the fire

How will I be remembered?:
danzig-until you call on the dark

What is my signature dancing song?:
scapegoat wax-aisle 10(hello allison)

What do I think my current theme song is?:
bad religion-do what you want

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
rancid- sidekick

What song will play at your funeral?
prozzak-sucks to be you

What type of men/women do you like?
marilyn manson-you spin me right round

What Is my day going to be like?:
prodigy-firestarter

What is the first impression you give off?:
bloodhound gang-i hope you die

so.
whats up everyone?
ive got so much to say and no idea how to say it or where to start. my job is doing ok, im doing ok aside from the back pain today, im slowly turning the rest of the household into star wars nerds like myself and things generally arent horrible. i wish one of my roomates wold get over another one of my roomates and i wish it wasnt so cold in my room. i hate the winter.
if the drama would ease up id be cool.
"this is it, song is over. thought id something more to say"
ciao.

yo yo yo. im back after a long absence, not that anyone cares or anything. its good to be doing this again. life has given major porn star sized loads of hectic drama, emo bullshit and general ass-raping. it sux big dookie but im dealing with it. its cool, whatev. i still live with raye, viktor and katu. were still living in the same spot for now. we will be for some time i guess. anyhoo, life has its ups and downs. about even i guess. to all of you who care, its good to be back.

ciao

i generally hate bullshit and drama. anyone who reads my journal knows that. today the drama just keeps coming. not only do we have to move but we have to come up with alot of fucking money to do so. im stressed to the fucking breaking point. i hate being a fucking emo boy. i really hate myself right now. i feel like i cant fucking provide for or take care of myself. i hate this shit. back when i lived on washington i actually felt like an adult. i was paying my bills, taking care of myself, making a relationship work and all that jazz. it felt really fucking good. my circumstances are different now and thats my fault.....
damn. i just dont know what the fuck im supposed to do. i'll be dead honest, i honestly do feel like hurting myself sometimes. alot of times actually. i would really like all of this shit to be the fuck over. im sick of it. im sick of feeling like this. im sick of not knowing what to do.
::sigh::

i did hear something good today. someone told me " dude, i dont read poetry but i like yours"
that was nice. also sam said she miised me and that was cool. i miss you too sam.
thats it. thanx for listening.

ciao.

people are horrible and i hate them all.
too much drama and basic stupidity.
i dont understand the human need for pain.
whats with all the fucking masochism?
emotional, mental, physical,....
ugh.
so to all you masochists out there who for some idiotic subconscious reason
feel the need to fill your pathetic lives with suffering and pain,
screw you.
to all you who are cool enough to let shit roll off your back,
thanx.
seriously people, come on. whats the fucking point?
are you all insane?
am i insane?
someone fucking let me know. i think your all fucking kooky.
life is stressfull enough by itself without you piling more shit on yourselves and everyone around you.
why cant i be a fucking cat or a wolf or something cool.
i almost said gerbil but then thought of richard gere.
eeeeewww::shivers::

ciao

When I was a kid I believed in superheros.
Superman to the rescue.
I believed, somewhere in my head, that I too could have
superpowers. I would fly in, save the day rescue the damsel
and be home for supper.
I believed i really could do anything.
I was wrong.

In my adolescence I fantasized about the impossible.
Superman died and was ressurected.
In my head i was everything wonderful. Everyone loved me; I lived
in a world anything but real.
I became disillusioned, desensitized,
jaded.
I grew up.

In my adulthood I no longer believe in superheros.
I no longer believed I can do anything. I cannot fly, I cannot
live forever, I am not bullet proof.
I cannot change people.
I now accept impossibility.
Superman is dead.
Good-riddance.

okay. im tired as fuck. there is sickness all around me. i love my fiancee. i am in debt and broke to boot which really worries me. i have to work tommorrow which sux. i want to watch some kung-fu dvds but im too tired. i recognize that my life is not bad but right now im sick of it anyway. ill get over it.i love my friends. i love my fiancee. i dont love myself right now just because i feel like shit. ill get over that too.
i have nothing more to say right now.
ciao

dear 4chan,
i hate you. you have stolen what was left of my purity and innocence. you have ruined my life.
please die promptly in response to this.
sincerely,
your biggest anti fan,
triskadek.

sometimes i hate my life. sometimes i hate this place and these people and myself and everything i can think of. i just get in these moods. i cant always explain them. i know im bi-polar. somehow to me that just doesnt explain the extremity of these feelings. i dont actually hate anyone. in fact i really like my house and my roomates and definitely my fiancee. but sometimes i cant help but think that id like to see it all go up in flames. is there an explanation? i dont understand this. it always seems to be triggered by the stupidest things. and its not just anoyance either. whan i get this way i honestly want to kill people in violent gory greusome ways. to anyone mentioned in this i.e. my fiancee and roomates im sorry. i dont actualy hate anyone.
its just moods i get in.if anyone has any advice i would appreciate it.

Rune Mooglarian

Moogle Alphebet-(When a new letter is used, a Capital letter is used to start it to avoid
confusion)
Standard Letter-------Moogle Letter-----------Pronunciation

A Koo Koho
B Ko Co
C Kop Kopp
D Poko Pockoh
E Pook Puk
F Pou Paeo
G Up Oop
H Oko Ocko
I U Oo
J Pop Pop
K Kopoo Coppoo
L Puk Poock
M Pooku Pookoo
N Upok Oopock
O Oo Uo
P Pukpu Pookpa
Q Kuu Kooa
R Poo Puo
S Kuku Cooca

T Kup Kuph
U Uu Aoo
V Kuopo Kaopau
W Kuokuo Kaokao
X K Kayh
Y Koop Koop
Z Pup Poop

Moogle Numbers-(When a new number is used, a Capital letter is used to avoid confusion)
Standard Number-------Moogle Number-----------Pronounciation

1 Upo Oopo
2 Oppa Appa
3 Kappa Khappu
4 Pap Phap
5 Popopo Popopho
6 Pokopup Pokopoop
7 Pookoop Poockooph
8 Pokko Paucko
9 Opok Opock
10 Uk Uck
100 Kuopo Kooopho
1000 Ok Okay
(For numbers past 10, do ten (Uk), whatever the number in the tens
place is, then the ones place. Same for hundreds and thousands)

Example:

12 UkUpoOppa Uckoopoappa
45 UkPapPopopo Uckphappopopho
105 KoupoUkPopopo Kooophouckpopopho
207 KuopoUkOppaPookoop Kuophouckappapoockooph
1248 OkKuopoOppaUkPapPokko (figure it out yourself!)

Moogle Words that don't apply the Moogle Alphabet-
Standard Word---------Moogle Word-------------Pronounciation
Hi Kupo Coopo
Bye Kopu Copoo
Good Po Poh
Goodbye Kupopo Coopopoh


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sentence Forming:

A Rune Moogle's sentence is formed with NO spaces. Instead of the space, an underscore_ is used.
The only time there is a space is at the beginning of a new paragraph marked with a %. There is
no indentation at the start of a paragraph, just a %.I nstead of a period, there's a *, below is
a chart of symbols where this also occurs.

Space=_
.=*
!=+
?=^
:=#
-=|
==\
+=/
~={
$=}
%=<>
N.P=%

All other symbols are the irrelevent.
EXAMPLE:

%PooPookPookuUUpokPokoPookPoo#

%OkoKuokuoUp_KoKuokuoKupKupOoUpok_UKuku_PukPookKooPokoPookPoo_OoPou_KupOkoPook
KoKuokuoKupKupOoUpok_PookuOoOoUpPukPookKuku+

ive only been playing kotor and jsrf so much because the crappy ps we have freezez our copy of ff9 always at the time zidane walks out of the woods to meet the black mages living in the forest. blah. ive been watching viktor play ffxi online and i just dont get it. yeah ok so there are aspects of ff in it but it just doesnt seem like an ff game to me. grrrrrr.ive also decided that to show my love for the ff games im going to get a moogle tatooed somewhere on my body. kupo. dont get me wrong, i lke kotor and jsrf, i just really miss ff.
im going as setzer gambini next halloween. if you dont know who that is then your not a true ff fan. look him up, youl find him. kupo.

ciao
ps i want moogle mood icons. if anyone can help let me know.
pps if no one knows what my icon is its hojo, the mad scientist from ff7

so i talk to someone that used to be a freind last night.
he was a freind untill he royaly screwed me and my fiancee over.
i thought i had come to terms with the situation and that i was over it untill i saw him on the street last friday.things just came flooding back andi didnt know how to feel or how to deal with it anymore.
so we talked. we talked about the old times. we tlked about the w,w,w,w,w+h of things.we talked about all the shit that we both did to eachother and we were both able to admit our wrongs, apologize andfinally move on. time really does heal all wounds i guess (HA HA cliches ....::sighs::).
im glad to finally have this in the past and not be fuming about it anymore. at the end he asked me "are we ever gonna talk again?" and i said i think this is a much better ending than we had before.
so heres to closure-slainte
::gulp::

CIAO

i got a make over today and now i look loke a total emo boy.
ive got the spikey emo hair, big floppy emo pants a johnny cash t-shirt and the "goth" grey/black/yellow all stars. ive out emoed viktor. yay. its wierd. 5 years ago this was "goth" and now its emo. wtf.
oh well i feel better. i also gauged my ears up from 8 to 4. i dont think im gonna go any bigger than this.
im finding myself confused. i hate the concept of "subcultures" and yet here i am thinking about them and trying to fit things into them. like emo for instance. its so similar to alot of the goth and punk that i grew up on and yet i hate it. i dont quite get it. i dont personaly like the music associated with it but that is beside the point. i dont like the whiney little bitches that seem to make up a large portion of its "scene". but then wasnt there a lot of whiners in the goth and punk scenes too? i think emo just accentuates the things i didnt like about those scenes like the whining and self pity and insignificant useless rage at things you cant change andall that shit. oh well. fuck it.let the little suyburban kids have their pity party and write crappy songs about how horrible their lives are on the gibsons their mommies bought them.
the funny thing ids that the people whove actualy been through enough shit in their lives to justify being emo arent. its like birth controll; the ones smart and responsible enough to use protection arent breeding, just the irresponsible assholes who shouldnt ever have kids.
sorry for the rant but thanx if you actualy read all the way through it.

ciao

i really love my fiancee.
i hope that i can continue to make her deliriously happy.
she is my life.

Head splody....watch for flying head chunks


What JTHM moment are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

my fucking back hurts and i dont know how to pop it or any thing. also for some reason my shins hurt like hell. my head doesnt feel that great and all i want to do is lay on the couch and play kotor or jsrf.
im gonna relax tonite.

ciao

i used to be afraid of the dark
when the lights go out god cant see me
the bad things comeout of the closet
from under the bed and behind the dresser
hiding in the shadows things flit and move
what was that something moved over there
hallucination always gets the better of sense
as scary as the imaginary eyes of imaginary monstrosities
theyre always watching
from long hallways and half opened doors
kind of like gazing into a mirror
and staring into your own pupils
reflecting all of that horrid darkness
pooled in the gateways to your soul
and you wonder am i him or is he me
is this really some alternate dimension
some backwards copy of the real world
and who is this maniac who grins at me while i scream
does he have all my secrets
these days i like the dark
but i still hate mirrors

i write random lines for the sake of sanity
i ask why
i know the answer but the answer has no words

i misunderstand myself and my situation
i think speak and do but none of them makes any sense
the phone rings and the caller is insane

i think therefore i am
but im really not
if i dont exist then do i really think?
i dont think so

i start all my lines with i
my ego rules

oops, tripped, fell into the darkness
a kick in the head
a perceptual flip and...

somethings really have no meaning.

yay another day that didnt suck.cool, cool.
so uh, im finding that certain types of drama really are overcomeable(is that spelled right??)
of course i knew they were all along. its just that its actually happened a couple times recently.
maybe ive been handling things better or maybe other people have been handling me better or maybe a strange combination of the two. either way its cool. so im gonna chill and watch monty python tonite and maybe have some company. think ill actually try to post a poem or two as well.

ciao